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Mad Dogs and Aliens/Transcript

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(Cheer practice.)

Ron: And now, a moment of silence. (lights go out and the cheer squad grumbles as the pyramid falls into a heap) I said SILENCE PEOPLE! We are all about to witness a historic moment.

Bonnie: (Turning the lights on.) You mean the day you get squad slapped into next week?

Ron: (sighing) Its the playful camaraderie I'll miss the most.

Kim: Um... RON?

Ron: Face it KP, I can't be the team mascot if I'm on the team! And so, it is with a heavy heart that we must retire the Middleton Mad dog. (cries) Anyone like say a few words? (everyone leaves except Bonnie and Kim)

Bonnie: How about good riddance?

Kim: Ron's mad dog was a hit with the crowds, and, um, his mouth foaming antics will be missed!

Ron: End of an era. Thank you Kim.

Kim: You know Bonnie, you could show a smidge of sympathy.

Bonnie: Loser dogs leaving? Whatever shall we do? Well now, I have an idea.

Jim & Tim: Hicka-bicka-bow-wow!

Ron: Jim and Tim?!

Bonnie: All that youthful energy? They'll be just perfect. Don't ya think?


(Drakken and Lucre are playing checkers)

Lucre: So anyway, I was in line behind Big Tony,- you know, the guy with the glandular problem? - and he takes TWO puddings, TWO! And the guard didn't even bust him for it. I tell you, all the money this prison wastes... its criminal. Oh, hey! King me. So anyway-

Drakken: Do you mind? Your incessive prattling is throwing my game. Imagine, an evil genius of my magnitude, forced to squander his days playing checkers. With the best and brightest of Cell-Block D!

Lucre: Ooh, somebody's on fire!

Drakken: Pyro Pete freaking out again?

Lucre: No, I think you're gonna win!

Drakken: Oh, I am? Ha! I am! Ha! Finally! One more move, and I'll- (alarm sounds, roof breaks, there's green seen from above) I wonder who's breaking out Shego this time.

Man: There's a green lady out there! She's looking for you.

Drakken: Shego! Its about time. (Lucre and him look at each other. Just as Drakken is about to put his piece down, an energy field sucks him up. Lucre catches his chip.) AHHH!

Lucre: Hey, who's up for some checkers?


Kim: You know, I was skeptical at first, but I think Jim and Tim are doing a great job as school mascots.

Ron: Yeah, a good job making like fools.

Kim: Ron, did you ever look at yourself in the mad dog mirror?

Ron: Yeah, but two mascots? Its not working people. Mad puppies? Cheap gimmick!

Kim: This from the mouth foam pioneer.

Ron: Exactly! The mouth foam was the kind of genius that reaches out and touches the audience. And gets them foamy!

Kim: Right... (Kimmunicator beeps) Hey Wade!

Wade: Well Kim, its happened. Someone finally busted out Drakken.

Ron: Aw, man.

Wade: Details are sketchy, but witnesses reported a green woman using energy blasts.

Kim: Shego, match. And you've tracked them?

Wade: Nothing on Drakken... but Shego's credit cards are getting a workout.

Ron: Shego has credit cards?

Wade: And a surprisingly good credit score, for a villain.

Kim: Strange. You'd think after the prison break she'd be keeping it low pro.

Wade: Or, taking a little time off. Say, at an exclusive spa in Greece?


Ron: Save the world, unwind with Nacos and a movie. Bust a villain out of prison, its the hoidie toidie to super-spa ville.

Kim: Saving the world has other perks to.

Ron: Such as...?

Kim: Cuter boyfriends.

Ron: Heh. Oh. Hehehe. A-booyah.

Kim: Ron! (Kim knocks Ron to the ground as a hot rock flies over his head.)

Ron: Ahh!

Shego: I'm on VACATION! And I'm trying to RELAX! Toss 'em another one, go 'head. (Midas throws more hot rocks at Kim and Ron, who dodge)

Ron: Hey, he threw another rock at us! (touches it) OW! A hot rock! He threw a hot rock at us!

Shego: (sighs) This is relaxing.

Kim: Vacation's over, Shego!

Shego: (glares. Takes off her hair towel and stands up) That'll be all, Midas. (he leaves) Do you know how hard it is to get an appointment with him? (lights a rock with energy and shoots it at Kim)

Kim: Maybe you should have thought of that before you sprung Drakken!

Shego: Who do you think I'm vacationing FROM?

(they fight)

Ron: Ah! Okay, I got- ohoh. Failure has never sounded so soothing.

Kim: How 'bout a facial?

Ron: Okay, I can't see, I can't see! Oh, wait a second... AHHH!

Kim: (pinning Shego down) Last time, where's Drakken?

Shego: What am I, his secretary?

Kim: No. (smirks) His sidekick.

Shego: (pushing Kim off) Not since prison!

Kim: You mean last night's visit to Cell-block D?

Ron: See, its the mad dog. THE mad dog. Singular. Not two. So puppies, which is plural, doesn't work. No way, no how!

Old Man: Its a gimmick!

Ron: Yes, exactly! Its a gim- that's what I said! Now, the mouth foam, on the other hand- (Shego and Kim tumble into the room, the old men run outside.)

Shego: Okay. I've got a salt glow in five, so listen to my words- (throwing rocks as she talks) I'm not helping Drakken. And I don't know who is. Me? Va-CA-tion.

Ron: But-

Shego: VACATION! (kicks a bucket of water onto the hot rocks, she disappears in the steam. Kim and Ron come out of the room, a bit damp. Kim looks bummed.)

Old Man: Well, I'm convinced.

Kim: But, if it wasn't Shego, then-

Ron and Kim: Who busted out Drakken?


Warmonga: For the last time, you must answer Warmonga. Are you the Great Blue?

Drakken: (cowering) Nice green lady. (laughs nervously)

Warmonga: Warmonga intercepted your transmission.

Drakken: Wh-what transmission? What are you talking about?

(TV plays 'Lather Rinse and Obey'. Warmonga looks mesmerized.)

Drakken: Oh, that. Uh. Don't remind me.

Warmonga: I am Warmonga. Of the Loarwardians.

Drakken: ....Yes?

Warmonga: Lorwardian prophecy foretells of the Great Blue. He who shall reach out to our kind from beyond the stars.

Drakken: Yeah, well, good luck with that. Um, if you could just drop me off at the next town. Or whatever's convenient.

Warmonga: So it is not you. You are not the Great Blue, to whom Warmonga should pledge her loyalty.

Drakken: Well...

Warmonga: And promise her vast array of technology and weaponry.

Drakken: Weapons?

Warmonga: The Great Blue who would lead our mightily military in glorious intergalactic conquest!

Drakken: Glory? Oh, that Great Blue! Yes, that's me! I, Dr. Drakken, am the Great Blue!

Warmonga: Oh, glorious day! Warmonga knew it! Warmonga just knew it! (laughs, kisses, and hugs him)


Jim&Tim: (whistle blows) Huh?

Ron: Mad Dog 101 is now in session, fall in soldiers. Dog soldiers. (tweebs shrug) Come on! Roof roof roof roof!

Jim: Ron?

Ron: Rookie, I did not give you permission to speak!

Tim: Permission to speak?

Ron: Denied! You think you got what it takes to be Middleton's mascot? Well we'll just see about that!

Jim: We were thinking of calling ourselves the 'pep puppies,' and-

Ron: Ah-ha, no! No 'puppies!' There's only one mad dog. THE mad dog.

Jim: But- (Ron stuffs a treat in his mouth)

Tim: But- (Ron stuffs a treat in his mouth)

Ron: I will teach you the mastery of Mad Dog mascot-ery. But first, you have to fit my mold.

Jim: Sure...

Tim: No problem, Mad Dog. (they wink to each other)

Ron: That's the 'tude! You know, and work on those twitchy eyes while you're at it boys.


Warmonga: Oh! So this is the legendary lair of the Great Blue. It is just how Warmonga always imagined it. (Graffiti on the wall reads, 'Drakken's Lair Haha' and 'Shego Rocks'. There are many holes in the walls and vandalism.) Such good taste!

Drakken: Be it ever so humble. Hehe.. AH! (Water squirts out of the pipe line at him. Warmonga pushes it back in.)

Warmonga: WARMONGA! Warmonga can bench 1300 Qua-locks.

Drakken: That many?

Warmonga: Oh, frackle!

Drakken: My... my lair!

Warmonga: If it pleases the Great Blue, Warmonga could assemble a new lair.

Drakken: You can't just throw up a lair.... in a day. Alien tech booms! No hugs!


Kim: What's wrong there, Big Dog? (Ron taps air around him.) Hey! No putting people in containment fields, remember?!

Tim: (taps a button) Not our fault.

Jim: Its just that Ron's really.... buggin'.

Kim: Ron, were you buggin'?

Ron: Look, we can't undo the past, people!

Kim: Whatever. Listen, Wade ran a search of all green females on earth, and he came up with Shego, and the spokesperson for the Asparagus Advisory Council. And they both have alibis.... You're still dwelling, aren't you?

Ron: Pep puppies? That trash has to be put out.

Jim: Trash?

Tim: We'll see about that!

Kim: Ron, maybe you're taking this whole mascot thing a little too-

Ron: Lightly?

Kim: Personally.

Ron: It is personal Kim, this is my legacy! I mean, the pep puppies are gonna be a laughing stock.

Kim: You couldn't really see so much out of the big Mad Dog head, could ya?


Drakken: New toys! Gravy! Um, War- Warmonga? What are these things... exactly?

Warmonga: Standard issue world domination munitions. Anil-a-tron, Tremor-ator, Neurotomic Disabler.

Drakken: Ooh! Santa would never bring me one of those!

Warmonga: Oh, frackle! Warmonga forgot one. (pushes a button) This one depletes a planet of oxygenated atmosphere! Has Warmonga pleased the Great Blue?

Shego: Great Blue? (Drakken gasps. Shego jumps down) I mean, I'll give you blue, but great? Uh, not so much! (Drakken's face twitches) Woah. (looks up at Warmonga, who is now standing in front of her) Someone's been drinking their milk.

Drakken: Warmonga, this is Shego. The sidekick who didn't break me out of prison.

Warmonga: Sidekick? Oh, so you too pledged your being to the Great Blue?

Shego: Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Seriously, what planet are you from?

Warmonga: Warmonga hails from Lorwardia, victor in the battle of the Fourteen moons[...] (Shego looks behind Warmonga, questioning Drakken. Drakken shrugs back before remembering he's angry at her, and glares at Shego.)

Shego: Super! You know how to pick 'em, Doc. (relaxes in a chair) Though I do like what she's done with the place.

Drakken: Warmonga, show her the door.

Warmonga: Mm-yeah. If you guide your vision to the left of apho-reactor core, you can see our primary entrance.

Drakken: No, Warmonga, I meant make her exit through the door.

Warmonga: Oh. (picks up Shego over her head)

Shego: Hey! (Warmonga tosses her through the door)

Drakken: Yes, well, I didn't mean literally through the actual door, but...

Shego: (reemerging and growling) Alright, I'm game. Lets play! (blasts Warmonga back and into the TV)

Drakken: Ah. This is why we can't have nice things.

Warmonga: WARMONGA! (she runs at Shego. Shego keeps shooting at her, Warmonga deflects her energy blasts with her staff)

Drakken: (seeing the property damage) Ahhh! (Warmonga aims a blast of something at Shego out of a gun thing, Shego dodges and aims a kick at Warmonga. Warmonga catches her leg and sends a wave of energy through her arm, latching onto Shego's leg and paralyzing it. Shego stumbles and attempts to take a step away, but Warmonga removes ability of her other leg, before picking her up and tossing her across the room. She crashes into the TV, Drakken gasps in delight.)

Shego: (reemerging) No you didn't. (falls unconscious with a groan.)

Drakken: With your alien might at my disposal, I will truly be invisible!

Warmonga: (carrying an unconscious Shego in her arms) Should Warmonga show her the door?

Drakken: No, I want her to see me do the one thing she never could!

Warmonga: (raising Shego above her head) The Great Blue can do anything!

Drakken: Yes! Once and for all, I will eradicate my long time teen nemesis, Kim Possible! She is still a teen, right? I lost track of time in the hoosegow.

Cheer Squad: M-I-D-D-L-E-T-O-N Go Middleton!

Ron: Pep puppies, UH! (opposing team runs into him)

Kim: (grimacing) Owf. (Kimmunicator beeps) Kind of a bad time, Wade.

Wade: Sorry. We got a hit on the site.

Kim: Urgent?

Wade: Drakken!

Kim: On the move?

Wade: On the site! I'll patch you the feed.

Drakken: Hello, Kim Possible. Perhaps you recognize the nemesis you left to rot in prison. Dr. Drakken? Cell-block D? Home of the annoying room-mates!

Shego: Digressing!

Drakken: Shut it Shego! You're here merely to witness and weep.

Shego: Uh. What, you mean you aren't gonna interrupt?

Warmonga: We do not interrupt the Great Blue.

Shego: Sure we do! We're the evil sidekicks, we're all about the interrupting! ISN'T THAT RIGHT DR. D?

Drakken: Zip. It! Where was I... evil genius, in prison, rotting, yes, the rotting!

Shego: See, see what it does, now you do one!

Warmonga: Never. (Kim rolls eyes)

Drakken: My new doomsday device will steal all the oxygen from the earth's atmosphere. And there's nothing you can do to stop me in... um.. T-minus 60 minutes and... gr... and counting! Any minute now!

Shego: Oh come on, you're not letting that one go! Hello? This is mocking gold! Ahh!

Warmonga: Warmonga will NOT mock the Great Blue!

Drakken: Ah! I got it!

Shego: Alright, you see that? You missed your mock window.

Kim: Clearly he's rusty.

Wade: Not even hiding his location. Kim, its obviously a trap.

Kim: Yeah, well if Drakken wants his chance at revenge, he's going to get it. and a one way ticket back to cell block D. (reveals that Kim is on a cheerleading pyramid and the rest of the cheerleaders are staring.)

(commando music play for tweebs)

Ron: Stinking pep puppies! Oww! Time out!

Kim: Gotta jet. Drakken.

Ron: In the middle of the game, now he's just rude!

Kim: I can handle this one.

Ron: Really? Okay. But you know, its not the same without you here cheering.

Kim: You've got the pep puppies.

Ron: Uh, please! You know what the worse part about the pep puppies is?

Kim: That they're actually pretty good, and you're jeal'n'?

Ron: Stop that.

Kim: What?

Ron: The truth thing!

Kim: Ron, you've moved on. To the field. Now they're cheering for you. You should be happy. (they start to kiss)

Wade (in person): Ba ba da da!

Ron: Wade!

Wade: Hey guys.

Ron: Dude, you fixed the battle suit?

Wade: Not just fixed, improved. Check the new stealth mode.

Kim: Sweet.


Drakken: Mmm. What's keeping her? I want my victory!

Shego: Yeah. Like you can even handle Kimmy without me!

Drakken: Ooh, I think somebody's jealous!

Shego: Hey, I'm just sticking around to watch the cheerleader kick your great, blue,-

Drakken: SHEGO! Its not going to happen, because Kim Possible will never be expecting my secret weapon!

Kim: Oh? And what secret weapon is that? (appears beside Drakken)

Drakken: Ah! How did you- where did you come from?

Kim: You've got your secrets, I've got mine. (Warmonga walks forward and stands in front of Kim) Huh? You're not Shego.

Shego: Ya think?

Kim: You're so... so.. ah..

Drakken: Kim Possible. Meet my new interstellar sidekick, Warmonga.

Kim: As in, alien? (Warmonga sends Kim flying into the TV and crashing down beside Shego, who's watching impassively)

Shego: Ten-four on that.

Kim: (irritably) I thought you were on vacation!

Shego: I wouldn't really call this... (looks down at her bonds) on the clock. (Warmonga and Kim continue to battle)

Warmonga: You will bow to the Great Blue or suffer the wrath of Warmonga!

Kim: They play catch on your planet? (chucks Warmonga's energy blasts back at her)

Drakken: Too bad, so sad, Kim Possible. Now I can do anything!

Kim: Except stay out of jail!

Warmonga: So it was you who imprisoned the Great Blue! WARMONGA! (Kim creates a force field and looks smug, but Warmonga breaks the force field, much to Kim's surprise. Kim gasps in shock, Warmonga hits the back of her head with her staff and Kim falls to the ground with a groan. Shego looks on with mild disbelief)

Drakken: (getting in Shego's face and irritating her) Aha! You see Shego, Warmonga IS better than you! (Shego growls, her shackles glowing green. Kim lets out another groan, still lying motionless as Warmonga prepares to take the finishing blow.)

Warmonga: Warmonga strikes this blow in the name of the Great Blue- (green plasma blasts her away from Kim) Woah!

Shego: (a gaping hole in the center of her bonds) Oh no you don't. (breaks the bonds on her hands and feet)

Drakken: Shego, what are you doing?! I'm about to snatch victory!

Shego: (turning on him) I'm not gonna let this she thing just waltz in and destroy Kimmy! That's my job! (to Kim) Ya hear me? (Warmonga barrels into Shego and they fight while Kim regains consciousness.) This alien would follow a blue sock-puppet if it said it was the Great Blue- GAHH! (Warmonga intercept one of Shego's blows and flings her into the air. Shego crashes into the roof before plummeting back down to the ground some distance away, having disappeared)


(back at the game, the pep puppies are cheering as Ron is running. He stops and smiles at them)

Tweebs: Run!

Ron: Oh, the running! (scores a goal, letting Middleton win. Cheers.)

Wade: Ron! I just got a call on the Kimmunicator!

Ron: Is Kim okay?

Wade: It wasn't Kim.


Warmonga: Warmonga strikes this blow in the name of-

Kim: Now you see her (activates stealth mode), now you don't.

Warmonga: Hey... wow. (strikes at empty space as Kim goes behind and takes the staff, whacking Warmonga with it. Warmonga crashes into one of the doomsday devices. Kim deactivates stealth mode and turns to face Drakken.)

Drakken: Ha! I hope you can hold your breath for a really, really long time! (the device goes to one and oxygen starts draining into the vents as Drakken puts on his oxygen mask. Kim runs toward Warmonga and vaults over her, landing on the other side and stabbing the staff into the machine, blowing it up. Drakken and Warmonga are flattened into the wall, although Kim ducks. The lair becomes a cube once more, leaving the old lair in its place.)

Drakken: No! You can't possibly be all that Kim Possible! You're not! You're not! Fine. Hehe. Destroy my lair. But I still have my loyal alien.

Tim(in blue Mad Dog suit): Hello? Hello? (in an alien voice) I seek the one called Warmonga. Meet me on... um... Pluto. I am the Great Blue. Repeat, I am the Great Blue.

Warmonga: But if he's the Great Blue, then... (gasps) You lied to Warmonga!

Drakken: Its cool, its cool. I'm blue! I'm great, I- AHHH! (Warmonga chucks him up into the air, he flies out of the lair. Warmonga stomps off and flies away)

Ron & Tim & Jim: (reappearing on the TV) Booyah!

Kim: Spankin'! But how did you guys know?

Shego: (tossing the Kimmunicator to Kim) Lose something?

Kim: The Kimmunicator? Shego? You clued Ron into the puppet plan? Nice.

Shego: Don't get too chummy there cupcake, I just want to get back to the spa.  Midas has the ,uh, golden touch. But next time, you're mine.

Kim: We'll see about that. (Next day, Pep Puppies are practicing on the field and Ron approaches)

Ron: You know, I think the Pep Puppies are really coming into their own.

Jim & Tim: You mean it?

Ron: Yeah. In fact, I wanted you guys to have something.

Jim or Tim: Your mouth foam?

Jim or Tim: Really?

Ron: Yeah, you know, if you wanted to use it.

Jim or Tim: People have been asking for it. (Kim walks in and holds Ron's hand)

Kim: I think someone owes me a diversion. Of the dating kind.

Ron: Nacos and a movie?

Rufus: Yum!

Kim: Sounds out of this world. (They walk into the sunset.)

(During credits)(In a cell block in prison)

Motor Ed: When I said this ride rocked, I mean it rocked heavy metal, seriously. No wait, dude we're talkin' V-8 engine, dual invert cam shafts. 385 horsepower under the hood. Yaaah, Yeah (air guitar). Hehe, you know what I'm sayin'?

Lucre (annoyed): No, I have no idea what you're saying. You just go on and on and on and on and on about things nobody even cares about!

Motor Ed: Dude, you're harshin' my prison mellow here, seriously.

Lucre: And would you stop saying that word! Ugh, totally clueless, seriously.

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