[Kim and Ron run down an alley in their mission outfits, seemingly followed by a “mob” of muscular men]
Mob #1: Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! ...
Ron: They're getting closer, KP!
Mob #1: Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! ...
Kim: [Pointing into a side allay] This way! [Pulls Ron behind her]
Rufus: [Looks out of the pocket, first behind them, then ahead] Ough! Woo-hoo! Look out!
[Ron runs into trash cans, but does not fall]
Kim: [Hiding behind a parked car] Ron, over here! ... I think we lost 'em. [sighs]
[They look through the car windows]
Kim: Hough
[Inside the car, a dog jumps at the window and fiercely barks at them]
Ron: [shocked] Teeth and slobber!
[They run on until a car stops in front of them, headlamps directed at them, and another mob gets out, shouting what seems to be another battle cry]
Mob #2: Steal! Steal! Steal! Steal! ...
Kim: [Grabs Ron's hand]] Come on!
Ron: [Tries to open a door] Argh! Argh!
Mob #2: Steal! Steal! Steal! Steal! ...
Ron: We'll never make it.
Kim: There's gotta be another way in.
Mob #2: Steal! Steal! Steal! ...
Mob #1: [caught up] Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! ...
Mob #2: Steal! Steal! Steal! ...
[While the mobs continue, Kim shoots her grappling hook to the roof]
Kim: Going up?
[Ron holds fast and they go up]
Ron: Come on, Kim. We've gotta get inside. [Stumbles and falls off the roof] Whohu, Waaah!
[Kim jumps after him, secured by here grappling hook rope]
Ron: Waaaah!
[Kim bounces off the ground, catches Ron mid-flight]
Mobs Pain! Pain! / Steal! Steal!
[Kim and Ron fly through outlet into a vent pipe system]
Kim: Argh! Ooh!
[They fall out of the vent system through a flap]
Both: Aaagh!! Uh!
Kim: Uh!
[They've landed in the mall. In the background, banners announce a wrestling match - GWA wrestling wriot - starring Steel Toe and Pain King]
Kim: Next time we come to the mall, let's stick to the main entrance. Okay?
Title credits[]
[Still in the mall]
Kim: You know? I usually like to go home and change after a mission...
Ron: No time for that, KP.
Kim: Okay... Why?
Ron: The first hundred fans not to be trampled get a free GWA tour t-shirt.
Kim: GWA?
Ron: How can you not know the Global Wrestling Association? It's only the most excellent sporting organization in the world. Steel Toe rules! Yeah!
Mob #1 [Now recognizable as happy fans] Pain! Pain! Pain! ...
Kim: All this just because some wrestlers are making a mall appearance?
Ron: Not just some. Pain King and Steel Toe! Pain King's got a bionic eye - don't even think about looking into it, or you'll writhe on the floor in total pain.
Kim: And I suppose Steel Toe actually has steel toes?
Ron: Na, that's just a publicity gimmick. They're more like titanium, actually. A freak industrial accident.
Rufus: Yeah!
Kim: Riiiight...
Jackie Oaks: [Announcing from a podium on a stage] Listen up, Middleton!
Kim: Huh!
Jackie Oaks: Hahahaha! Are you ready for action?
[Crowd cheers]
Jackie Oaks: Are you ready for head-bomping, chest-stomping, neck-breaking, ground-shaking confrontatiooon?
[Crowd cheers]
Ron: Yeah, baby.
Kim: Is that Pain guy?
Ron: Ha, no. That's Jackie Oaks, founder of the GWA.
Jackie Oaks: Now here's a little secret: These two world-class athletes that I'm about to bring out...
Crowd: Wooooh!
Jackie Oaks: ... hate each other' guts! Hahaha, haha.
[Crowd cheers and applaudes]
Jackie Oaks: Heeeeere's Pain King...
Part of crowd: Pain! Pain! Pain!...
Jackie Oaks: ... and Steel Toooooeee!
Part of crowd: Steel! Steel! Steel!...
Crowd Steel! Steel!... / Pain! Pain!...
Steel Toe: Ugh!
Pain King: Arrr!
Steel Toe: Ugh!
Ron: Slap it, Steel!
Kim: Okay. I'm in a mall and I'm not shopping. What's wrong with this picture?
Ron: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wrestling is more than two guys beating on each other. It's also a war of words.
Pain King: You're going down!
Steel Toe: No! You're going down!
Pain King: No, you're going down!
Steel Toe: No! You're going down!
Kim: Yeah, they're poets. Look, Club Banana's doing a tie-in with the museum's Cleopatra's Closet exhibit. That's where I'll be.
[Inside Club Banana]
Kim: [hugging a table-full of cargo pants] Hello, civilization!
Monique: Oh, my gosh, how much do you love Cleo's cargoes?
Kim: Way much.
Kim and Monique: You'd look good in ... these in green
Monique: Ji...
Kim: Jinx, you owe me a soda!
[Back outside]
King Pain: It makes me sick to look at you, lead foot.
Steel Toe: You will be so much sicker when I stomp you with cold, hard steel!
King Pain: Let's go. Right here, right now.
[Crowd cheers]
Jackie Oaks: Not now, boys. Save it for Mayhem in Middleton. He-ha-ha-ha. Good seats still available, folks. Hah, hah, heheheh.
Max Pain: You're going down! [attacks Steel toe]
Jackie Oaks: Oh, oh, stop there. break it up, there. Oh, ouh.
[A brawl starts in the crowd, soon some guy whirls Ron around]
Ron: Aaaah! Aah! Aah!
[Inside Club Banana's, at the checkout]
Monique: Do you belong to our Club Banana Club?
Kim: Charter member.
Monique: [reads Kim's member card] Kim Possible? I thought it was you! The stuff you do is so amazing.
Kim: Uuuh ... it's no big. But thanks.
Monique: I'm Monique. Just moved here.
Kim: Cool. Where do you go to school?
Monique: Middleton High.
Kim Me too!
Monique: I start Monday.
Kim You totally have to let me show you around.
Monique: Deal!
[They see what's happening...]
[... outside]
Ron: Woaaaahuh! ... Kim!
Kim: See you at school!
Kim [Running to save Ron] Excuse me! Pardon me!
Jackie Oaks: Honey, that was some performance! You ever think about a career in professional wrestling?
Kim: So not.
Jackie Oaks: Hehe, I tell you what. Here's two tickets to "Mayhem in Middleton". Enjoy yourself on Jackie.
Ron: These are backstage passes! You get to go backstage with backstage passes, where the backstage is.
Kim: And hang out with some guy named Steel Cage?
Ron: Uh, KP: Steel Toe is a guy, Steel Cage is, well, a cage.
Kim: You take 'em.
Ron: You can't just give them away. D'you know what these are worth? [Realizes] Okay, you can give 'em to me. Hey, let's go back to your house and watch wrestling so we get psych to watch wrestling!
Kim: Not tonight. I'm going to the Cleopatra's Closet exhibit at the Middleton Art Museum. It's a special preview for Club Banana frequent buyers.
Ron: You'd rather see some dead queen's clothes than watch Steel Toe's night of a hundred bruises with me?
Kim: My answer would have to be: Hello, ja. See-ya!
Ron: Cleopatra. Like anybody is gonna remember her ten years from now. Tuh!
[Later, at the museum]
Monique: Hey, Kim!
Kim: Monique! I should've known you'd be here.
Monique: Exclusive preview! The Queen's accessories! Girl, it is all good. I love your pants!
Kim: And you, very Cleo!
Museum guide: Good evening! If you'll follow me. It's my pleasure to welcome you to this special Club Banana preview of Cleopatra's Closet.
[In the next room]
Museum gard: [tied and gagged] hmpf
Museum guide: Oh, my goodness!
Kim: Call security and stay together! [To Kimmunicator] Wade, trouble at the Middleton Museum. Can you tap the security cam?
Wade: Tapping...
[Steps run away]
Kim: Huh! [A door is slammed, Kim dashes after them]
[On the roof]
Kim: Hm. [blinded by some golden light coming from behind a cooling unit] Huh!
[A person surrounded by golden glow runs away, Kim follows]
Kim: You are so busted.
[but the glower escapes]
[in a wrestling ring]
Pain King: Grrr
Steel Toe Grrr
[The ring is actually on TV, Ron, Rufus, and the Tweebs watch from the Sofa]
Ron: Whohoo! Toe's of Steel!
Tim: Ooh, Pain King's down.
Jim: Duh! Pain Kin never beats Steel Toe.
Kim: Ron, you won't believe what happened tonight.
Ron, Jim, Tim: Shhh!
Steel Toe: [from the TV in the background] Come on, little man, let's see what you've got!
Pain King: [also from the TV] You're going down!
[Kimmunicator rings]
Kim: What's the sitch, Wade?
Ron, Jim, Tim: Shhh!
Kim: Sorry. Wade, go ahead.
Wade: The only thing stolen from the museum was a small talisman. It was a gift to Cleopatra from a high priest of Anubis, the jackal-headed Egyptian deity of mummification.
Kim: A mummy? Gross! I bet she would have rather had nice earrings.
Wade: Don't be so sure! This talisman was supposedly enchanted.
Kim: Oh, come on? Who would believe that?
Wade: Maybe that glowing guy on the roof.
Kim: Good point. What's it supposed to do?
Wade: Super-human strength.
Kim: Uh, great. Well, at least it's not immortality - I guess. Thanks, Wade.
TV announcer: Chaos in Chicago will be right back. [Commercial break]
Ron: So, how were the Queen's old clothes?
Kim: I barely got to see them. Right after I hooked up with Monique, the museum was robbed by some glowing-headed animal guy.
Ron: Oh, that's nice.
Rufus: [Falling off Ron's shoulder] Whaa!
Ron: Wait a minute, who's Monique?
Kim New friend, really great. Anyway, the thief stole an enchanted ancient talisman.
Ron: Whoa, whoa, back up! How can I not know about a new friend?
Kim: I met her at Club Banana, then again at the museum before I chased the glowing robber.
Ron: So what's she like?
Kim: The robber?
Ron: The friend, Kim, the "new friend".
Kim: Ron, focus. There's a glowing guy running around Middleton with some kind of supernatural powers.
Ron: Okay, okay. Why don't we hit Bueno Nacho and you fill me in?
Rufus: Hmm!
Kim: No, thanks. Monique and I stopped for smoothies on the way home.
Rufus: [gasps]
[At Bueno Nacho]
Ron: Smoothies! Since when does Kim drink smoothies?
Rufus: Hmm, smoothies... [dives into Nachos, munches]
Ron: Seein' a pattern here, Rufus: Kim does her thing, I do my thing, and pretty soon - we're doing different things.
Rufus: [munches] Oh, ooh.
Ron: Maybe I'm just blowing this whole Monique thing out of proportion. I bet tomorrow everything's back to normal.
Rufus: M-hm, m-hm.
[Next morning. Ron rings at the Possible house, Mrs Dr Possible opens]
Ron: Good morning, Mrs Dr Possible, is Kim ready for school?
Rufus: Hi!
Mrs Dr Possible: You missed her, Ron. I think she said something about meeting Monique.
Ron: Monique?
Rufus: [shrieks]
Mrs Dr Possible: Oh, and I'll be late for my cranial bypass. Say hi to your folks!
Rufus: [sighs]
[School cafeteria]
Kim: ... and then once I was saving this desert prince from some stupid death squad and the back of my skirt was totally caught in my underwear - the whole time!
Monique: No way!
Kim: I could have died. And he almost did.
Ron: Hello, ladies!
Kim Ron! What are you doing here?
Ron: Can I dine with my best friend and her new friend?
Kim: Uuh, Ron, Monique, and vice versa.
Ron: Bearclaw?
Monique: No, thanks, ha-ha, I'm vegetarian.
Ron: Uhm, I'm pretty sure it's imitation bear.
Kim: She's joking, Ron.
Ron: Good one, hahaha, ha, good one. So, did Kim tell you that I'm her sidekick? Cause that role is definitely taken by me.
Monique: Riiiight. Well, in... you know I better get to class. Later, Kim. Um, n-nice meeting you, Ron.
Ron: Likewise, I'm sure!
Kim: What is your problem? You're acting really weird.
Ron: Well, let's see. You went to the museum with Monique, not me. Monique was with you this morning, not me. Hmm, pattern?
Kim: Yeah. You. Weird.
Ron: No, we're drifting apart because you're excluding me.
Kim: I am not excluding you. It's just that you and Monique are... different.
Ron: Oh, now you're gonna tell me that sometimes growing up means growing apart. I've heard it before, Kim. Billy Bullwicky, second grade.
Kim: You are so blowing this out of proportion.
Ron: Okay, maybe I am. Ooh, don't forget: Mayhem in Middleton tonight!
Kim: Those tickets are for you. I kind of already made plans with, uh, Monique.
Ron: I blame the smoothies. Here, Jackie gave these to you.
Kim: And I gave them to you.
Ron: And I'm giving them back to you... except this one, but only because it will be the highlight of my life.
Kim: Ron... [sighs]
[In the evening, Middleton Arena, locker room]
Pain King: So, you're taking a vacation this year?
Steel Toe: Ha, yeah, we wanna head right to a cottage in Martha's Vinyard. You know, it'll be nice get some chance to relax for wife and kids.
Pain King: Sounds charming.
[knocking at the door]
Pain King: I hate your guts!
Steel Toe: I'm taking you down, slime!
[Jackie Oaks enters]
Pain King: Oh, hi, Jackie.
Steel Toe: Phew! Man, hoo, I thought you were a reporter or something.
Jackie Oaks: Ha-ha, no, no. Ey, listen, eh. What do you guys think about me getting into the ring with yoos tonight, eh?
Pain King and Steel Toe: [laugh]
Pain King: Come on, Jackie, be reasonable!
Steel Toe: Yeah, I don't mean to sell you short... Oh!
Jackie Oaks: How very funny. Ve-very funny, yeah.
Steel Too: S-sorry, man, I didn't mean it like that.
Jackie Oaks: Beh!
Pain King: Stick to promoting, Jack, hehehe. That's what you're good at.
[on the corridor]
Jackie Oaks: [With the talisman in his hand] This is all gonna change... to-night. Hehehehehehe, hehehehehehe.
[The audience gathers at the wrestling ring]
Guy#1 and guy#2: [Find seats in first row and high-five] Yeah!
Ron: Hey! Nice seats.
Guy#1: Yeaheah, definitely.
Ron: But not as nice as mine: backstage, baby!
[backstage entrance]
Guard: [grunts]
Ron: Huuh!
Guard: [grunts and open curtain]
Ron Gotta see my man Steel Toe.
Man being interviewed: Oh no really, golf is a contact sport if you think about it. It could be something really fabulous...
Ron: It's Steel Toe and Pain King so close I could touch them! Or not, cause I'm cool. Yo, Steel Toe, whassup, Pain? I touched Steel Toe!
Rufus: Who-hoa! Me too.
Steel Toe: Your gerbil's totally bald, man.
Ron: Yeah, thank you. Can I have an autograph? Could you make it, um, "To Ron"?
Pain King: Uuh, sure. Let me get a pen. Yo, Jackie?
Steel Toe: Yeah, where is that guy? I need my sunglasses. Pronto.
Ron: I'll get them. Can I, please, please? Please?
Steel Toe: Sure, kid. They're in my dressing room.
Ron: [gasp-shrieks]
Jackie Oaks: Let me see if I got everything now, ach, righty? Open toe sandals - check, yeah. Ooh, talisman, mmh, glowing - that is nice, huh? Mhm, alright. And... my ancient papyrus which I shall now begin to read from. Eh. [Reads] Anubis, Protector of the Tomb, Your time is Now, The time of DOOM! [Diabolical laughter and he turns into the Jackal]
Rufus: [Shrieks and hides in Ron's pocket]
Ron: You know what? I'll just come back later.
The Jackal [growls]
Ron: Whaaah... Uh!
Rufus Yiiek? [Switches from pocket to under a napkin, trembles]
Ron: You wanna be left alone? I'm down with that.
The Jackal: Tonight the world will see the fearful power of the Jackal!
Ron: I've seen! I believe!
The Jackal: [grunts as he throws Ron]
Ron: Waaaaah! [Hits into Steel Toe]
Audience: [Boos and cheers]
Pain King: What are you doing?
Ron: Huh, there's a problem. Him.
[In a cafe]
Monique: Not enough froth in your latte?
Kim: No, uh, I'm just feeling guilty. I kind of blew off Ron to be here tonight.
Monique: Why didn't you bring him along?
Kim: Unless someone put a waiter in a headlock, this is definitely not Ron's scene. Besides, he had a date with "Steel Toe".
Monique: He scored tickets to Mayhem in Middleton? The GWA rocks!
Kim: What?
Monique: Pretty tacky, I know, but my brother hooked me up. Pain King's my boy!
Kim: I can't believe you and Ron have something in common.
[Kimmunicator beeps]
Kim: What up, Wade?
Wade: More on the talisman: If the holder recites an incantation from an ancient text, the spirit of Anubis could actually possess him.
Kim: Sounds bad. So we better find that ancient text.
Wade: Too late. Somebody already found it. Some masked guy stole it from the University in Chicago.
Kim: Do you have access to the police report?
[Wade makes the report - marked "confidential" - appear on the Kimmunicator]
Kim: Hm, the thief was super-short. And the GWA was in Chicago before Middleton. I'm sorry, Monique, I keep running out on you.
[at the wrestling]
Jackal: Arharrr!
Pain King: Who is this guy?
Steel Toe: Man, beats me...
Ron: It's Jackie. He's got supernatural powers!
Pain King: Jackie Oaks?
Jackal: You all've said I was too small and get in the ring. Hu-he-ha-har! Here I am. You still think I'm too small? [grabs and lifts the two wrestlers]
[Audience cheers]
Guy #1: This Jackal's awesome.
Ron: You made your point, Jackie. Put them down!
Jackal: I am no longer Jackie. I am now the Jackal!
Ron: Ough!
Guy #1: Whohoa!
Kim: Excuse me, pardon me, hehe, 'xcuse me, uhm, just gonna... squeeze through here...nggh, out of my way!
Ron: First I lose my best friend, now professional wrestling. Everything is ruined.
Kim: You didn't lose your best friend.
Ron: KP?
Kim: And don't worry, we're gonna save this... this... Would you call it a sport?
Ron: The most excellent one ever.
Kim: Let's take him down.
Ron: I'd tag-team with you any day, KP.
Kim: This will be easy.
[The Jackal growls and throws the wrestlers into the ropes, they bounce back against each other]
Pain King, Steel Toe: Ugh!
Guy #1: (squit he)???
Jackal: I'll take on all challengers, no holes barred. Right match, right here, right now. Come on!
[Audience boos, The Jackal destroy a "We love Pain King" and a "Steel Toe" banner, then creates a whirlwind]
Guy #1: Awesome rocking effects, bro!
Kim: Prepare to be body-slammered, Jackal!
Ron: That's "body-slammed". Better let me do it. Hngnggg, uh, eeeeh
Kim: Ron!
Ron: Heeuh. You go.
Kim: Why don't you try without the talisman?
Jackal: Who wanna go try and make me? I am all powerful!
Kim: Ouch! No, duh!
Ron: Kim!
Kim: You distract him. I'll go for the talisman.
Ron: Distraction, solid. Steel Toe's number one! Jackal who? Jackal who? Steel Toe's number one! That's right, you heard me, ol' demon
Jackal: [growls]
Pain King: Let's see what you've got!
Ron: Raahaa... Hi! ...
Ron: One chance, buddy!
Rufus: Uh, uh, uh-huh. Ngyangyangyang ... Ngyanguh!
Kim: Got you, Rufus!
Jackal: Change(???), no, Nooooo! [He turns back into Jackie Oaks]
Pain King, Steel Toe: Grrrr
Jackie Oaks: Hehe. I say, be reasonable.
Pain King: Jackie, you're going down!
Jackie Oaks: Hoooahh
[audience cheers]
Guy #1: Dude, that's the most best awesome, most totally rippin' show I've ever seen.
Guy #2: Eh, no way, man. That ol' Jackal thing was totally fake.
[At Bueno Nacho]
Monique: You know, I still can't believe you met Pain King and Steel Toe.
Ron: I can't believe you're into wrestling.
Kim: I can't believe I know either one of you.
Monique: Enough talk! In the immortal words of Pain King: You're going down!
Ron: Au contraire, it is you who'll be going down.
Monique: First one to drip is a loser.
Ron: Better get your bib, baby.
Monique: So wrong.
Kim: Hrrm
Rufus: Wohoa.. Go!
Kim: I think this is the beginning of a very weird friendship.